Tracy's Journal

Here is a picture of a band that is too tight! Look how the barium is not coming out the other side.

I went back to Dr. Aceves and I am so glad I did. I saw him on June 23rd. My sister and I went to Mexico with some other great people that we met on the van ride with Ernesto. (I think Ernesto is the sweetest man!!). Anyway, Dr. Aceves and Dr. Campos looked at my band together. Dr. Aceves only pulled out .5 cc's!! I was so shocked and upset. I figured I had a leak because Dr. Garwood said he put back in 3.2 when he did my leak test. And before that, i saw Dr. Peterson and I was supposed to have 3 and he only pulled out 2.5 so I was really thinking I had a leak. Dr. Aceves checked and rechecked everything and said he could only put in 1.8 because at 2 I was totally closed up. HOW CAN THAT BE?? I don't understand how I could have ever had 3cc if 2 totally closed me up? Well ok let me think logically. Maybe when I had 3 I weighed less. Yes, come to think about it I think I weighed 180. Although I haven't weighed I believe I am probably in the upper 180's to low 190's still. So maybe just that tiny bit of fat loss around the stomach? who knows? I just know that as of today, i still have restriction and Dr. Campos checked me the next day after my fill and it was all still there (By looking at the xray, not pulling it back out). So I guess I shouldn't bitch, I still have restriction. I am soooo glad my band is back to helping me because it was getting crazy.

Cliff and I would go out to eat and he would eat one small plate and I would be able to eat and eat. It was so depressing. I thought I was doing good though and I guess I was considering...I had hardly anything in my band!! I am surprised I didn't gain any more. Don't get me wrong the 30 lbs I gained back was not because I didn't have anything in my band. I believe at that time I did, I was just over eating, or grazing if you will. Meeting the love of your life might do that to you if you are a lover of food and going out to eat is your ultimate date! We have changed our ways however and now we go to the movies or go play tennis. But the 30 lbs came back on and so I started exercising and eating right again and I couldn't lose. So I went to get my band checked and apparently when Dr. Garwood was checking, he possibly didn't put it back in??? I don't know, and I don't want to blame him but fact is, I only had .5cc in my band when Dr. Aceves pulled it out and if I still have restriction now, it must mean it was pulled out. Purely an accident and I am sure it can happen to the best of them. But I basically paid $350 to have my fill pulled out!! What I think could have prevented that is if he did the leak test, then had me do another swallow test afterwards.

So why haven't I weighed? The scale is still the enemy for me. I am afraid of what I will see. Even when Sergio weighed me this time, I asked him not to tell me what it was. Oh, here is a cute picture of Sergio by the way:

He is also the sweetest, most kindest man. Held my hand during the whole fill procedure and told me I would be ok.

So I don't know what my weight is and I don't care. I am going by my clothes and right now my size 12's are getting a little looser but I am no way able to get to the size 10 jeans yet. At this point, I would be happy getting back to my size 10's. I weighed about 175-180 at that point and I felt I looked pretty good. Cliff and I have discovered that playing tennis is much more fun then walking around a track and is GREAT exercise. It get's our heart rates up and he really gets a good cardio workout, while I get a good fat burning and muscle work out.

I have no make up on and yes, I have dyed my hair brown just for the heck of it. This picture was taken right after I tried to convince him that I was on liquids for 3 weeks and didn't lose a pound. I know for sure he thought I had cheated. I just looked at him and said, "Don't worry, I wouldn't have believed me either".

Jayne is on the left and was there to get the Sleeve. Jill is on the right and was there to get an unfill as she could not eat or drink much.

And this is my sister who went with me for support and also to get some pain meds at the mexican pharmacy:

This was taken the night before she took any pills. I wish I had a picture of her the next morning but apparently what she thought she was buying was vicodin, ended up being Tylenol with codeine and she is allergic to codeine and was itchy and swollen. It was hillarious but not for her of course....LOL

And here is a picture of me, my sister, and my best friend since high school, Cathii

We were all dolled up for our 20 yr high school reunion. I think we look pretty damn good!!

I am not sure what my weight is and right now, I don't care. I did liquids for 3 weeks and I didn't lose a pound. I gave up and started eating mushy foods and I lost weight! WHAT THE???? I just don't get it. I know all about starvation mode and all that but come on! 3 weeks of nothing but liquids and watching every stinking calorie and nothing? I have witnesses that I stuck to 800 calories or less. What is wrong with my body?? Why is it torchering me?? I decided to stay away from the scale for a while because I was just getting depressed. Me and that scale are mortal enemies now. I was exercising (when I wasn't light headed) and my body just held on to every pound. I think it is time for me to get a full physical and blood work done. Something is wrong and I don't know if it is my thyroid (I am hypothyroid) or what. I just had my thyroid checked but only by a fly by night doctor, I don't have a regular doctor yet. I guess it is time to get one who knows what they are testing for. I went to him because I needed my medicine and didn't have time to schedule for a specialist. But I am really thinking it may be my thyroid. It is either that or I may be diabetic. I have been having issues for years with low blood sugar so I test my levels daily. Lately it has been high like in the 300's. For someone who normally has to eat just to keep it above 70, that is weird. Anyway, I am just venting my frustration today. I am glad I am still in a size 12 but when you have been to a size 8 you really can be yourself up. I went to a garage sale the other day and found a bunch of levi stretch size 8's for a dollar. I bought them not because I thought I would wear them but because I knew I could sell them on Ebay for at least $9.99 or more but it was sad.....that I couldn't buy them for myself.

I thought that when I did the liquids that I would quickly get back down to at least 170 so I was depressed when I didn't even lose a lb. I take that back, I lost a lb and then gained it back! Then I remember back when I was 280 and how hard it was to lose weight without the band. At least now I have the band and it is my helper but that doesn't help when you can't even lose weight on less then 800 calories a day. But yes, I went back on solids/mushies and suddenly I lost 2 lbs. But I also stopped looking at the scale. I don't know how much I weigh, I just go by my close. Some of my size 12 jeans are loose now. I guess I will just keep going and see where i get to.

In other news, I am getting married on May 22nd 2008! Yep, this month we are tying the knot! We are going to be having a ceremony in August so this month it is just the justice of the peace. We needed more time to save for a ceremony and there were other reasons we needed to get married sooner so we just decided to do it this way.

I hope those who are reading this and struggling because you have over a 100lbs to lose don't get mad at me because I am upset at needing to lose 20lbs. I remember being where you were and how hard the struggle was when you had to lose so much. But I tell you what, the struggle is still the same. Whether you have 200, 100, or just 20lbs to lose, the struggle is the same. If I work out and struggle and eat right and struggle and I only lose 1/4 of a lb in a week, imagine my frustration? I know the difference is the number, that frightening number that floats over your head saying LOOK AT ALL THIS WEIGHT YOU HAVE TO LOSE....and that is the only difference is the number. Hang in there. You guys your bodies will eventually listen (unless there is something medically wrong like I suspect with me). I always told people to just hang in there because eventually the plateau will eventually break. Change it up, do something different, your body will start losing again. But if you try, and I mean really try, and watch what you are eating, and you exercise and you STILL aren't losing, GO TO THE DOCTOR. Stop the struggle because there is something wrong. I will let you know what I find out!

Well do I have a lot to tell. I went to see Dr. Garwood in College Station Texas to get a check up on my band. I got to meet Nancy Cole and Deb from the Dr. Aceves bandster list which was awesome! Nancy really helped us out in getting a hotel room and then being my "photo journalist" for the adventure. First let me say that officially on the scale, I weighed 195!! This was with shoes and clothes on ok! So you have take off at least 3-4 lbs. I know I should have been writing this out for all my loyal readers (laugh). I was just so embarrased to have gained!! At first it was just 10 lbs, and I could live with that. But then as I kept ignoring the rules, eating more than I should, drinking with my meals, it just got out of hand. All my hard work of the past went down the drain. I was so upset with myself!! When I thought of all those mornings and nights during the exersize challenge that I got up and walked 2 miles all to just put the weight back on! I was so upset. But I knew first thing was first, I had to make sure my band was ok. So off to Dr. Garwoods I went (Thanks Nancy for the great recommendation, he was awesome!)

Ick look at that belly and double chin!! I already knew what the scale was going to say.

And here is the STAB!! Just kidding. It wasn't so bad. My port is tilted so he did have to move it around a little. As you can see, the flouro machine is right above where he is aiming.

And this is the screen that I can look at and watch my band, as well as the doctor.

And this is a close up of what was found. The upper dark spot is my esophagus, and the lower dark spot it my pouch. You can then see a portion of my band there as well. See how swollen my esophagus is? Even though the docs say only slightly, man to me it looks bigger then my pouch! No wonder why I could eat so much more. I had 3 stomachs!!

Here is another shot of just the pouch and the barium going into the larger stomach

Again, great smile Dr. Garwood! I love the shot with Dr. G but man, when I saw this all I could think of was "look how fat I look". I just have to remember, at least I am doing something about it now.

I did ask their permission to put their pictures on my site so if you are in the picture above, please let me know if you change your mind!!

So to make this short, I started liquids the day of my checkup. The doctor gave me a .5 cc fill and told me to stop overeating my band. I was just so happy I didn't have a leak or slip I was willing to do anything. He didnt tell me to go on liquids for too long, but I knew from others on the list what Dr. Aceves and Dr. Campos usually recommend was at least 3 weeks liquids. I upped it and said I would do 4. I was thinking it would help with weight loss. Well, it is at least helping with my dilated esophagus. I have been sticking to 800 calories or less in liquids and finally this morning the scale showed 189. I swear it kept saying 192 and I wanted to shoot it!! I have been exercising, and tracking every single calorie and to only lose so little...well it is very frustrating. You have to understand my scale at home before the trip was saying 192 so to get home from the fill after 2 days of liquids and have it still say 192...I was like huh???? I wouldn't have believed ANYONE if they told me they were taking in less then 800 calories, exercising, and not losing. I promise, I would not have believed them and would have secretly thought they were drinking milk shakes. I have a witness, Cliff, who can attest to what I have been drinking!! LOL.

So despite the slow metabolism thing, at least my band is ok. I think I am going to get some blood work done and a full physical to rule out any weird things going on with my thyroid since I do have hypothyroidism and just go from there.

Wow look at me, updating twice in the same week! Well I just wanted to talk a little about gurgling. Yes, if you have the band you know what i am talking about. The only thing I don't know is am I normal for the amount of gurgling that I am doing? I gurgle when I drink, and when I eat. At work it can be embarrassing because I could be drinking coffee, and someone walks up to me and starts talking and all that comes out of my mouth are these burping noises. It can be quite embarrassing. I of course pretend nothing is happening and so do the people i am talking to but still, I really hate it. When it first started happening I thought I was the only one who could hear it but my family has let me know that I am wrong. "Mom, you are gurgling again!" or "oooo gross you gurgled!" comes from my two boys. What is worse is my job requires me to be on the phone 8 hrs a day doing tech support. I wear one of those wireless headsets that has a great microphone placed right by my mouth. I know my customers hear me gurgling. I laugh when I think of what they must be thinking as they are waiting on hold "I wonder if I am going to get that gurgling lady??" Haha!

I really want to get back to Mexico to have my band checked. I want to see if I have stretched my pouch or what is happening. It would only cost me about $300 to fly in to San Diego and cross the border. I guess taking time off at work is a factor as well. I just really need to do it so I can stop worrying. If I could find a band doctor up here (Arlington, TX) that would be willing to look at me even though I had my surgery in Mexico, I would. So if you are reading this and you know of any doctors, please email me. Use the link on the left up at the top of this page.

Anyway, to all the people that are getting their surgery with Dr. Aceves, you won't regret it. He will take care of you not only pre-op and during surgery, but as many years post op as you will let him. He really cares about the well being of his patients.

Shoot me! I am so sorry to all my loyal readers out there. I have been getting emails and yes, I have been reading them but I just have not had any time to respond. So if you have emailed me, please accept my apologies. SO much has happened since August, where do I begin? We moved out of the apartment and into a house. Right before the move in September, someone broke in and stole all of our computers. In a family where we are both computer repair geeks, it was devastating. My laptop and 4 desktop's were stolen. All of my data had been backed up in June, but anything since then was lost. Even though I had logmein on my laptop and even to this day I can log in to my logmein account and see my stolen laptop when it gets online. We gave the Arlington, TX police all the information they needed to catch the guy and they have done NOTHING to get our stuff back. We even have the guys IP address thanks to logmein, and still they sit on their asses and do nothing. I am still paying Dell for that laptop. Well as you can tell, it angers me. But anyway, I couldn't update my page because of the software that I use to do this webpage. I finally have it back and can let everyone know what I have been up to. When that happened, It hink I lost what sanity I had. I mean I had just gone through this big life event, left a relationship of 8 years behind, met a wonderful man and moved in with him. Went from country living to city living, started a new job. All this stuff happening and bam, someone steals my stuff! It was too much. I think I had a nervous breakdown or something. I started eating things that weren't right for me and before I knew it, yes, I had gained 20 lbs! I am living proof you can eat around your band if you want to. I had always bounced between 165 and 170. Yeah, once I hit my goal of 160 I never really stayed there. I just bounced around. But when I gained, I got up to 185!! THen one day after thanksgiving, I got on the scale (stupid I know) and it said 191!!! I freaked out, started crying, and then when that was done, I cried some more. At first I felt sorry for myself but I knew I had to pick myself up. So I did. I went back on liquids for a few days just to give it a kick start and possible shrink my expanding pouch. Then I just stuck to protein drinks in the morning and for lunch, and an Atkins friendly meal for dinner. I haven't gotten back on the scale because I seriously think the scale is the devil. But I know from how my clothes are fitting that I am somewhere in the 170 range.

I have told myself I will not weigh until Feb 4th so I am sticking to that. I will post it here when I do. In the mean time, my stats on the right will stay as they are. It makes me feel better. :)

Ok, so I haven't been so good about updating my journal. Sorry everyone. For those of you who have emailed me and asked me "what up????" here is an update. I moved to Arlington, TX to be with my boo bear, Cliff. I moved up here on June 30th and started my new job on July 2nd. It has been quite an adjustment period for me and my two boys. For one thing, we were so used to living in the country, it was an adjustment period getting used to all the people and the traffic. I do love it up here though because there is so much to do. You can never say you are bored. But I have to get up at 5:30 so I can be at work by 7. I am not a morning person. Then driving home, I get off at 4 but don't get home until 5 or 5:30 due to traffic. And the first few weeks at my job were stressful and intimidating for me. People in suits and sitting in cubicles. But once I learned a little bit more, it wasn't so bad and I saw that they were people under those suits and now it isn't so bad. Cliff is an absolute angel of a man, and I don't say that lightly. He is everything i have ever wanted in a man and more. He is almost too good to be true. I love him very much and I am happy. As far as my weight goes, it has been going up and down. Once I hit my goal of 160 I didn't stay there long. For those most part I stayed around 168. But I must admit I have gained to 175 and I am trying to get if off. How have i gained it? Oh let's just say nightly trips for icecream and krispy creme can do it to you. My band is still tight, I just can eat around it when I want to. Cliff just got a fill today and he is up to 8.8 in his larger band. He is definitely feeling it. So that is my update folks!!

Well Dang! I guess I completely forgot about you guys?? LOL. No, not really, just trying to catch the curve balls life has been throwing at me. Curtis broke his foot, and moved back in temporarily so I could help him. Yeah, that was rough for both of us. He moved back out (again) this past weekend. In the meantime, some neat things have been going on in my life, namely a man named Cliff. We only just recently met, but I feel like we are soul mates. I know that sounds cheesy but it is just the way I feel. It cant be explained any other way and I have not felt this way about someone else in a long time if ever. We have a lot in common, namely he has the lapband too! Only we found this out about each other by accident. We met on myspace.com > I know, how strange huh ? But true. I did a search for friends within 150 miles of me, and he was one of the people that came up. I read his blog, sent him a message in response, and we have been getting to know each other ever since. So I welcome this next chapter in my life.

As for my band, well that little booger is tricky these days. I thought I needed an unfill but I stopped drinking soda and eating chocolate and my heartburn or reflux or whatever it was went away. Go figure! So I am doing good. In fact, I had gained up to 168 but now I am back to 163 (Thanks to Cliff, I don't think about food anymore ). So I am still holding steady with my band. I would love to go get it checked out but I do not have the money to go back to Mexico right now, so it will just have to wait.

Life, man sometimes it just takes over ya know? Those of you who are on Dr. Aceves list know that I have been having some problems in my personal life. In fact my last post I talked about some problems between Curtis and I. Well, we made it through the holidays thank goodness but then it just happened. We both decided it just wasn't working. We both tried. We both still love each other very much, but we are trying to be mature and realize that we are not good for each other right now. So he will be moving out soon, as soon as he can find a place. In fact, we had a rent house next door that he was going to move into but I figured that would not be healthy for either of us so he is looking for a place somewhere else. Curtis and I never legally married. So I guess it is good that I don't have to deal with divorce. But it hurts just the same, let me tell you. I still say none of this has anything to do with my weight loss or having the lapband. Trust me, I wish I could blame it on something.

So here I am, at the start of something new. I am scared, yet excited. I am 36 yrs old and single again. I think I will stay single for a while, get to know myself again, spend some time with the kids, get my life in order.

So about my band. Well I don't know if it is the stress, the holidays, or a combination of all of it, but I have been having some heartburn. I think it began with all the chocolate I was consuming, mainly fudge. When the fudge went away, I figured it was the stress of my situation. I started taking prilosec for 14 days periods. As long as I am taking that, I am ok. But I am not going to kid myself, I am going for an unfill. Two years ago I read on the OH message board of a bandster who ignored the signs of trouble. Heartburn at night, gurgling at night, more gurgling noises then normal. She ended up losing her band to erosion. I don't want that to happen to me so next month, when I have the money back from taxes, I am scheduling a tiny unfill. Probably .1 cc since I was not having any problems before this last fill.

So yeah, I am laying in bed at night, only having had a sip of water, and my band is making so much noise that I am wondering what the heck is going on. Yeah, probably the water coming back up through my pouch and esophagus. During the day, I take small sips of any liquid and I can hear it gurgling over the next 5 min. Not good. Eating, I can still eat breakfast, but I am limited. Only a few bites of eggs or 1/2 a bowl of oatmeal. Sometimes not even that. Lunch, I have to eat slowly which defeats the purpose of the band. Anyone who has a band knows that you can eat the same thing as a normal person if you stretch it out over time. Usually you don't want to because that thing in your head that tells you that you are full gets switched on and you stop. But if you are at a party, where everyone is non stop eating, it can be done.

So, I need an unfill. I wish I could get it done sooner then next month. In the mean time, I take the prilosec and pray the acid from my heart burn doesn't erode my esophagus. I WANT TO KEEP MY BAND!

Well hello everyone! No, I didn't drop off the face of the Earth. I just had some personal things going on that needed to be tended to. in other words. I didn't have time to get on the net much. Curtis and I hit an all time low and broke up for about a week in October/Nov. A week may not seem very long but it was a week of soul searching, conversation, and realization. We are now back together and giving it one more chance. So far so good but I am still holding my breath. Of course this all happened during my exercise challenge so that sucked. I mean I kept exercising, but I wasn't able to be the cheerleader for your guys that I wanted to be. For that, I am sorry. For so many people, like me, all they need is a little encouragement and to know someone is out there and I failed. I want you to know I am still here, even if I am going through something, I am still here. Email me anytime.

As far as weight loss, yeah isn't that weird? I lost 2 lbs over the holidays? Well it may not have been exactly over Thanksgiving, but I weighed this morning and was shocked to see I was under 160. I knew my clothes were a little looser but I thought it was my imagination LOL!! I guess another reason to love the band. Somedays I think i am eating so much when I am really just eating normal.

Ok, I am adjusting to eating normally and not worrying about my weight. In fact, it is very nice not to have to worry about every little thing I put in my mouth anymore. I have no psychological guilt. I have been eating chocolate like crazy and nope, no guilt! Last night Curtis took me out for Mexican food. I ordered a full order of fajita nachos so that I could take some home. I ended up having about 6, Curtis had about 5, and there was about 4 to take home. Yep you guessed it. I stayed up late and at around midnight, ate the other 4. WHO CARES! I am skinny!!! YEAHHHHHH!! For those newbies reading this who have some weight loss to go, this should be your mental goal. To get to where I am now where you no longer have to worry. Where food no longer controls you! Yes, I still feel like a fat person inside a skinny person's body. I don't think that will ever change. I still go to the plus size section because the style is cuter.Who knows, maybe someday I will design my own clothes!

Boy am I feeling good. My son JJ and I have started an exercise challenge that I am now extending to my online friends. We are walking 2 times a day for 30 min each time. We do 2 miles in 30 min, so we are doing 4 miles a day! If you would like to join our challenge, click here and read more about it. I would love to hear from everyone who is going to accept the challenge!

I also want to vent a little here. I just typed my weight into my own BMI calculator and it said......get this.... "26...prone to health risks". So I changed my weight one pound at a time until it said "Desirable" and guess what that weight is? 155!! Ok, I weighed 150-155 in high school so I know it is not impossible but man, was I disappointed to see that. I guess because I thought I was already desirable LOL. Everyone is telling me I don't need to lose any more and here this stupid BMI thing says differently. Well I intend to keep walking, trim the inches and I don't care if I get to 155 or not! Of course I will be happy if I do because that was my first goal before I changed it to 160. But I REFUSE to kill myself over 5lbs!

If I look at health charts, it makes me even madder! I consider myself to have a large frame. I am not tiny by any means. My ring size is still 8.5! Ok so it says for large frame I should weigh 140-159. I don't ever remember weighing 140 in my life. I have always (when a normal weight) weighed 150-155. I know that is practically a 20 lbs range but I hate seeing that lower number.

I will not obsess over it though. Like I said, I like where I am. Heck, I am in a size 8 for petes sake! When I was a size 28 I would look at someone in a size 8 and think "Skinny beee-utch!" LOL.

So here I am, holding steady. I haven't been weighing myself, I don't feel I have to! But I have gone a little crazy this weekend with grazing because it is raining out and nothing to do so I might weigh tomorrow to see the damage.

As you might have noticed, I have sponsors now. I decided this web site wasn't paying for itself so I thought I would try and help it along. Please support this sites sponsors if you feel the need. I tried to stick with companies that I like. The banana nut shake over to the left is really awesome and has 20 grams of protein per scoop. You can mix it with water or milk. And i still buy "just my size" lingerie. I love their bras and night clothes. Don't worry, I will try not to go too commercial. :)

OH MY GOD I am at GOAL!! I almost passed out when I got on the scale this morning! I guess I need to put the camera in the bathroom so I can snap a shot of my duck feet on the scale again. I have been exercising every day of the week, and at least 1 day of the weekend. I have been riding my bike and walking. Sometimes I walk on my lunch break. I figure since it doesn't take me long to eat anymore, I can use the time to exercise. I walk around a park that is close to my job. Yeah, I go back to work a little sweaty but oh well, I work with men, they don't care.

So I guess it is time to re-measure myself and post my stats from beginning to now. This feels so awesome! Yesterday I walked probably 1 1/2 miles and then came home and took Curtis out for an icecream. I hadn't had an icecream cone in over a month so I had a small vanilla. Then we got home and watched a movie and I ate a whole bag of popcorn. AND I STILL LOST 1 POUND. Goes to show you exercise does pay off!

This is incredible. When I think I was so scared to get another fill for fear of being too tight and I stayed the same weight for so long for no reason. Another reason to stay on top of your fills and really know yourself and your band. I have my last fill on September 6th and I was bouncing between 168 and 174. I think I weighed 174 for my appointment. (I was too embarrased to put that weight here!). Anyway, only 2 more lbs to goal! I am so excited! I can tell I am losing inches around my back area so I think I am going to go down a bra size. I have been wearing a 40. Yesterday I rode my bike about 4 miles and I sweated my butt off (well not literally lol!) It was definately a work out though with some tough hills. Oh but the down side, I started that monthly thing this morning so that means I will probably gain some water weight. But on the upside of that, I am usually tighter (more restricted) and so maybe that will help me balance out.

Oh, I am still wearing a size 8-10 stretch jean. I have not tried to wear regular 8's. Every brand is so different! But the 10's I have are getting baggy so it looks like I may have to go shopping again.

Yes! I cannot believe it! Of course I will probably go back up tomorrow. I have tried to be really good today but just now I had a catfish filet (fried with cornmeal), and a salad with Ranch Dressing. I got a total of 996 calories today. I think I normally have been hanging around 800 a day to lose so who knows what tomorrow will bring. (Tomorrow is the Dallas Cowboys game against Tennessee and I will probably snack!) Not to mention, I am going to see my friend Mike (see photo's of Mike on my photo page). I don't think I have seen him in person for 2 years. I will be taking lots of pictures.

Anyway, I feel really good about getting to 163. I am so close to my goal. My clothes feel great on me, nice and comfortable. I feel skinny for the first time in my life! Yes, I weighed about 150 in the Navy but who cares! I have never worked so hard in my life to get to where I am. I feel wonderful! I love my band!

Look at me look at me!! I am only 5 lbs from goal as of this morning!! I am so excited. This fill has been wonderful, and an eye opener for me as well. I only had .1cc put in and it has made a HUGE difference. I will be updating my "What do I eat?" page because all that has changed. The doctor told me "I am very tight", and even wasn't sure if he was going to leave the fill in place. I am so glad he did. In fact, I am going to email him and thank him for listening to me. I told him "No, I feel the barium going through, I think it will be ok." Of course he trusts me and knows I know my band. I would never jeopardize it and if I felt I was too tight, I would get an unfill immediately. I also know how to eat properly with the band, which I think is very important. I don't think I would have known how to adjust to this fill in the beginning because I was still learning about my band and how to eat with it. Now that I am a year and a half out, I know what to do if I feel something is stuck. So here is what I have learned with this fill:

2. I cannot drink more then a sip at a time. Before I could take a fairly large drink (not gulp) and not have to worry

3. If I take 2 bites of something in a row too fast, my band doesn't like it. I am now focusing on what I am eating, when I am eating it. No more eating and watching tv or on the computer. I sit at the table and really focus on my band and how it is reacting to food.

4. Even though the scale is moving, the inches aren't and that is because I am not exercising. I know if I exercise, my body will look and feel better.

5. I can now eat 1/2 cup to 3/4 cup of food and feel FULL. Yes, I said FULL. Not a different full feeling like before, but actually life before being banded type of full. And I do not want to eat for at least 4 hrs, sometimes longer. Some would say "oh but I eat even when I am not hungry". Well I used to too. But now I just don't want to. it is like that switch in my head has been turned off.

6. If I follow the rules and don't drink for at least 1 1/2 hrs after a meal, the full feeling lasts longer then 4 hrs.

I am still wearing size 8 10 but they look better on me. My flab that overflows over the top of my jeans is less which tells me something else. I will still need plastic surgery but maybe just a pannilectomy, and not the anchor cut. I need to work on my abs and my butt and legs. I took pictures today and I can see the flab still on my love handles, and back. So my next mission is to get back into my exercise routine. I am charging up my MP3 player as we speak!

I haven't weighed myself in a few days at home so I don't know what my weight is on my home scale. I think it is high though because the doctors office said 178 and that was with clothes and shoes and after I had eaten breakfast and lunch. So I don't know. Maybe 174? I hate it and that is why I decided to get a fill. I didn't want much, and again I left it up to the doc. He gave me a little over .1 cc he said. I have been so disgusted with myself in not being able to get to goal, but I have to say I have NOT been exercising either so it is NOT the bands fault. It is mine. But I figured getting things cinched up a bit wouldn't hurt either. I can tell the difference just with liquids. I will be on liquids for 3 more days so I wont know just how good it will be. I KNOW that i need to get in some exercise. I wish I didn't live in such a small town. I feel like if I had some local support, maybe a Gym, it would be easier. We have Curves but I have been there, done that. Too boring for me after so many months. I need variety in my work out.

Anyway, my fill doc is also a plastic surgeon and I had a great conversation with him about my options concerning my face. He talked about a thread lift, lifestyle lift, lipo, botox, etc. I decided whatever I do, I want it to be more permanent then botox (which only lasts 4 months). But on the other hand, just a lower face lift and neck lift is quoted at $13,000. That is in Grand Prairie Texas. I wonder what it would be in Mexico? hmmmmm

I keep jumping around like a jumping bean. I think my body really loves this weight and because I am in no hurry to get it past it, this is where it stays. But I think that is about to change. I am starting to see pictures of me and think "I need to get down to my goal". And some pants sizes are so weird. I fit into an 8 stretch jean, and a regular size 10. But some 12's still fit me although they are a little baggy. But I am starting to think my butt is still big and the roll of fat or skin or whatever that appears over my jeans is disgusting. I don't know if I will lose that of if I need it cut off but maybe it will be better if I lose a little more. Oh speaking of cutting things off. Check this picture out:

I have loose skin under my chin. Ok I call it my waddle. It is gross and I feel like an old lady. Can you see how gravity is not my friend? If you think that is bad, you should see my profile! I think I have decided the first plastic surgery I get (if I get it) will be a face lift/jaw line liposuction. Then the boobs, then the tummy, and maybe some lipo on my ass.

My my, time flies! Not much happening weight wise. I just can't seem to get these last 8 off but I am not trying either. I know, I know. I keep telling myself to get on the ball. I even started the swim aerobics, then the pool manager got sick and closed the pool down. I went walking one time, then decided I needed new songs on my mp3 player and haven't done that yet so that is another excuse. I really do love to walk too! Hmm, maybe my attitude will change when I want it bad enough. I am still happy in a size 8-10. But I am seeing my butt and my arms are still chunky. That is what I see anyway.

Work is going well, but stressful. I work with someone who is almost twice my age and very much like a "Mr. Magoo" when it comes to computer repair. Meaning he don't know squat but pretends he does. I am doing a majority of the repair work. But I have to say, he is a better salesmen (salesperson?) then I am and can sell 80 yr old ladies top of the line systems (that they don't need). He wont take tech calls, he transfers all of those to me even if I am busy. He doesn't know how to put someone on hold so he just sets the phone down and then forgets to tell me someone is on the phone for me. He tells people they have bad motherboards when all that is wrong is a bad modem. I am constantly going behind him and fixing what he can't and I am just plain tuckered out. But the man is a nice man for the most part, even though he is prejudiced and talks about customers behind their backs. He even told me about a time he walked into walmart and saw a "fat lady with a doctors mask on" and said "we should be the ones to worry about catching her "laziness". Then he looked at me, knowing I used to be big and said "At least you did something about it!". Remember, no one at work knows I had the lapband. I was so pissed at him that day. But it is just plain ignorance. He talks about "chinks" and ""those mexicans" but he doesn't dare say anything about black people because he knows I am with Curtis. Oh well, I will stop complaining. I know God will open a door for me soon.

In trying to get down to goal, I realized I have not measured in a long time. So I broke out the measuring tape and drum roll please........

Man, that is almost 5 feet!!! My god I have lost another me! Simply amazing, I am shocked. I had not measured Since October 05. At that time I was weighing around 195lbs. This has given me more gusto to get this job done. I will lose these last pounds!

But that is ok, I feel great being back at 168. I could really tell a difference with just a few extra pounds. In fact, Curtis and I went to Galveston again and I went from 171 to 177!!! 6 pounds!! I felt bloated, my size 10 pants were too tight, and my size 12 were fitting!! I had been ready to throw those out, good thing I didn't! I basically grazed on food non stop for 4 or 5 days. Yes, I had a great time, I ate the best ice cream (Ben and Jerry's, can't remember the flavor but it had chocolate and Baileys irish cream in it--YUMMM) But I sure paid for it. Yes, I have said it time and time again, but you CAN cheat the band. Eat a little, wait and hour, eat a little, wait, eat, wait, etc. But why would you want to? I say only for special occasions. I know if I stayed home all day like I used to when I was a stay at home mom, it would have been harder for me not to go to the fridge. So if you stay at home, work at home, etc, I think you should plan outdoor activities throughout your day. Or do something to get away from the fridge!

Ok, so what else have I been doing? Well, I have been working, learning new things about computer hardware and software. Every day I learn something new. I guess that is why I love what I do, it is challenging. But I tell you what, I could do without the drama. I work with a bunch of men, you would think there would be less drama but nope. It is like they are constantly competing against one another to see who is the biggest, baddest, smartest. YUCK!

Ok, so I have just started exercising again after my sciatic nerve problem. The local pool has opened up and have started tue and thur women's water aerobic classes. So that has kick started me and now I am trying to do something in between those days. It is amazing, I have lost 4 lbs in 4 days just because I started exercising. I swear I have not changed my calorie intake whatsoever! It just goes to show you what exercising does for a body.

I have lost most of what i gained but am holding steady at 169. I just can't seem to get back into the groove of exercise!! I can't believe how easy it is to get out of the habit. I actually do like to walk and ride my bike but I have to make it enjoyable. I have to have my mp3 player with all my favorite songs. I have to make sure it is during a time of the day when I have time. So many factors and I was doing so good before my sciatic nerve pain.

Then I went to Arizona and was put through family drama that i have yet to recover from. Then my grandma passed. It just seems that mentally, I have been going through hell and can't seem to recover. But by writing this out, it makes me realize that i have to take care of me. I have to get "me" back on track so I can get my family back on track. Otherwise, I will continue this cycle and not get anywhere with my weight loss. Yes, you do have to work hard with the band especially when you are this close to goal. But I can tell you this, I would have gained weight back by now (more then 5lbs -more like 20).

Everyone reading this knows about the diet "funk" that can happen. You get stalled, you get depressed, or you just stop trying. Before you know it, you have gained back the weight. The great thing about the band (or one of the great things) is it let's you take a break, but it doesn't let you go too far. It is always there to remind you. Another great thing is I am in my 14th month post op, I am this close to goal, and I still have restriction! I am comparing to gastric bypass where by now my pouch would have stretched and I would be eating more with no tool in place to stop me.

By 2 years out, I may have a problem with weight gain due to the pouch stretching. THAT IS WHY I LOVE THIS BAND!!! I have restriction now and will for as long as I want to (forever). This is also the reason we have to take care of our bands. Follow the rules, get our check ups, don't leave food in your pouch at bed time, don't irritate it by too many pb's, or too much spicy or acidy food, stay away from nsaids (motrin). Be good to the band and it will be good to you.

Yes, I have to admit I have not been doing too good this week. I can't pin point anything in particular except my night snacking. I have not been exercising either. I think a lack of caring has also been my problem. I have been enjoying my size and i have been enjoying food. But I have decided this weight gain has made me more accountable and it has also made me realize that I *DO* want to get down to my original goal. Everything that i have read as far as ideal body size for me recommends at least 150lbs for my height and bone structure. So I essentially have 23 more lbs to lose but honestly, I would be happy at 155 which was my original goal. My problem now is the loose skin so I am not sure I can get back to 155 without a tummy tuck and lipo. But I am on a new kick and feel like I need to get back on the exercise wagon.

Well, weight wise I am holding steady. I am not trying to lose right now. I feel pretty good where I am. Every day I think about how my lapband has saved my life. Really, I think if it weren't for the lapband, I would be very close to death. I was smoking, I was eating, I was not exercising. I was killing myself. I was suffocating.

On another note, I would like to put a picture up of me and my grandma that was taken a little over a year ago. My grandma passed away on April 22nd. She was loved by many many people and will be missed. I wish I had a new picture of me and her with my new "self". But grandma loved me no matter what size I was.

Did you guys think I had died or what? Nope, still here. Been losing a little without trying actually. I went on vacation (which ended up NOT being a vacation-long story ain't gonna go there) and lost a pound!

I really love my band. I get scared when I think something is wrong, like I get a pain or if I get a stomach ache. One time I messed up and drank a soda and it gave me so much pressure and gas that was built up either in my pouch or in my intestines and it felt like I was litterally dieing. I was *this* close to having Curtis drive me to the hospital. Then I let one loose (sorry if too much info) and I was much better. But I was soo worried there was something wrong with my band that I couldn't stand the thought of not having my band. What would I do? I would actually have to have will power and watch my quantities? It is like a nightmare! I love my band. I love that it is there making sure I don't overeat. I can be starving and my eyes are bigger than my stomach, then I eat something, and usually I can't finish the whole thing and I am full. What would I do if I didn't have that? I am now living like a normal person who has normal responses and reactions to food....I can't go back to the way I was. I now can push food away, a plate with food still on it! Imagine that!?

I know that the band is supposed to be in me the rest of my life. If i follow the rules and I am good to my band, it should be good to me. I try to limit my intake of coffee and tea and the only time I have taken Motrin/nsaids was when it was absolutely necessary for my sciatica. Otherwise, i take tyelenol even though it doesn't touch my mentral cramps. I figure I can live through 2 days of cramping with only tyelenol to take in order to treat my band right. If you are yet to be banded, you have to ask yourself "what sacrifices am I willing to make?" . Are you willing to:

1. Follow the band rules for the rest of your life? (Meat first, veggie, then a starch if you can fit it. No drinking for 1 hr after meals unless you want to graze lol or are in maintenence mode. Staying aways from nsaids and caffeine, etc)

2. Take care of your band by getting yearly exams (possible endoscopes) to makke sure the band is not eroding?

3. Possibly have to take a pill like zinc or folic acid to prevent or stop hair loss (so far the folic acid has been the only thing that stops my hair falling out) (side note: I still have not figured out why my hair is still falling out or more so, why I am low in folic acid. I eat everything I should, I am not starving myself, yet I was tested and have low folic acid levels)

4. Be willing to NOT get to eat plates full of food at public get togethers and restaurants?

5. Be willing to always sip your beverage, never gulp for the rest of your life? (remember when you are out working in your yard in the middle of summer and how good it feels to guzzle some water down? Can't do that any more without extreme pain and or PB)

Those are just some of the downsides to having the band. Really think about it because the band is not a temporary thing. I really love my band and have been able to adjust. Sometimes I wish I could eat a lot at a buffet but it is a fleeting thought as I quickly remember that if I could, I would be close to 300lbs again.

Anyway, sorry I had not updated. I have a new laptop and had to transfer all data over. I am now up and running again.

Argh! I keep going back and forth between 172 and 175. I actually shocked myself this morning by weighing 175 because I had been going back and forth between 172 and 174. So hell, I don't know other then I have been under a lot of stress. Curtis had a heart catheterization today. All the stress before this was....well stressfull! So they found no blockage but did find he has a slow heart rate and low white blood cell count. So we are still in the guessing game.

So stress eating has gotten the best of me in the evenings. I have been exercising though, otherwise I may have gained more. I am now up to 2 miles at least 4 times a week if not more. Oh and I bought a bathing suit for summer....size 12! I could have gotten size 10 but I just didn't like the way it looked. It is pink and cute. I might get a pic of me in it.

And hey there newbies!! Welcome to the world of Lapband!! I see a lot of people on Dr. Aceves yahoo group. Welcome all you losers! HA! Love you guys!

After my whirlwind weight loss, I haven't lost any more pounds but the inches are sliding off! My size 12's that still fit before are falling off now. Heck, I am spending too much money on clothes!! (but I love it!) But I am fighting HEAD HUNGER!

. I am really fighting the urge to put something in my mouth! So I have started chewing gum and sucking on cough drops. I KNOW that I am not hungry, but my head says "chew on something, put something in your mouth, eat eat eat".

Physical hunger I am right where I want to be. I am still having to remind myself that I need to eat meat, solid meat, for lunch and dinner first, then veggies. If I eat something like tuna at lunch, I am hungry sooner (within 3 hrs) but if I eat leftovers like meat loaf, or chicken, I stay full a lot longer.

Crazy...look how much I have lost in a short period of time! Well, it is tapering off. I have really loved watching the numbers drop again. I have already reached my goal of getting to 175 before my bandiversary. But my gosh, 6lbs in such a short period of time. It is amazing. I continue to feel full on smaller amounts but I feel I am still able to eat normally. I can still eat in the mornings, by evening I can eat a chicken thigh, some veggies, and maybe a couple bites of something else. I have no idea why I can eat so much when I think I am tighter then most who can eat little or less. I know my pouch isn't stretched. I still have not PB-ed, I chew well, but not overly. Hmm I guess we are all different. My fill doc said I was pretty tight, and yet I am able to eat in the morning. I do wish I had the same amount of restriction in the evening as I do in the morning. It would be nice. I tried eating some popcorn, now I can only eat half of a bag. LOL I am still into popcorn.

19 more lbs to go! This is just amazing. I love exercising again, my dogs love that I am exercising again LOL. Oh and get this.... I fit into a stretch size 10 Levi Straus Jean!! Ok, so they are stretch but I don't care!! I had another fitting room incident where I know the attendant overheard me hollering. "Just look at my ass! Just look at my ass!" hahah! I still don't know who the person is in the mirror when I first look. I have to take a second look to be sure it is me. I am still getting used to being called thin. I don't think I am thin. Will I always be a fat person inside?

OK, let's talk PLASTIC SURGERY! I have been reading the forums, just to get a sense of it. I am still not overly excited or seeking it, but I must say, my belly is gross looking. Flabby, loose skin, and my arms. I will have to take a new picture showing my arms. Really gross. I have to wear long sleeve or longer sleeve shirts. I am not looking forward to summer. I love winter, I can hide the flab. Oh, and have I mentioned my knees. Can we say skin cave? I can grab the skin above my knee and make a sufficient cave. That is what I get for weighing 300lbs at one point in my life. Gee, that would mean overall loss is 126lbs. WOW. Well, that is what I get , there is no way my skin could bounce back after such a dramatic weight gain and then holding on to that weight for so many years. I still say no amount of exercise can fix that problem. Only a surgeon will be able to fix it.

Can you believe it? I have lost 4 lbs in 4 days!! WOW!! Ok, so it was because I have been on liquids but like I like to say, there is nothing like a fill to break a plateau LOL!! So I went on clears for 2 days, full for 2 days, and mushies for 2 days. Today was my first day on solids. I think this fill is awesome!! I can still eat in the morning, even if it is only 1/2 cup of oatmeal. I try to drink my CIB too and have some coffee. ALL OK! For lunch, I sorta messed up and forgot to bring it BUT I had left yesterdays lunch there (I missed lunch at work because I ended up at home for lunch) so it was a "mushy" food lunch. Still I ate it at 11:30 and I didn't get hungry until 4pm. That is major for me. It was 1/2 cup of stew, and one stick of string cheese. It lasted 4 1/2 hrs! Then I didn't eat dinner until 7:30 because no one else in this house seems to know how to cook LOL. I then ate a credit card size of steak, a 1/4 cup of salad and a couple tablespoons of spinach. It made me so full. For the first time, I really was full. I mean before, I felt something, but it wasnt full. (I thought it was and I would tell people I was) It was the satisfied feeling or pain if ate too much but never the full feeling. I am sitting here full. It is amazing.

This is from .2 of a fill people. .2!! It goes to show you that small amounts really do make a big difference. Now I am on my way to my goal of getting down to 175 by my bandiversary. I thought I was stretching that a little too far but look at me! 1 lb away. AND I have lost 6lbs this month total. Ok, so I have to say I don't think it was just the liquids alone that had me losing the weight although it was a big part but I STARTED EXERCISING AGAIN!!. Yep, I started walking my dogs (I have 5 dogs, but I only walk 2 of them when I go). It has been awesome getting out and walking around the neighborhood. I forgot how fun it is! I also picked up my weights and started using them.

I am writing Dr. Peterson personally and thanking him for knowing EXACTLY how much fill I needed. For those still struggling with their fill level, all I can say is stay on top of it. It is up TO YOU on how restricted you are. Really look at the fill guidelines and follow them to a T. Get a fill when you need one and when you get restricted, check your hunger levels. Maybe you only need .1 or .2 to get you to that right level where you are not hungry every 3 hrs. It truly is amazing.

I forgot to post my fill experience, but I wrote in to the group so I will copy and paste it here:

Well, I had started a post about going to see Dr. Dobson today but for some reason I forgot to send it. I was asking if anyone else would be there so we could meet up. Well even though I didn't send it, I got to meet Mary Ruth today! She was in the waiting room waiting to see the Doctor. Again, it was Dr. Peterson, not Dr. Dobson. Both are great, but I like Dr. Peterson because he is the one who did my first fill and we bonded (lol).

So, here was the drama with my fill. (Drama in my head, mind you). I debated over the last month or so whether I needed another fill. I tried to listen to my band and also go by the rules of the band. (I didn't always adhere to them but I tried!). I was starting to feel hungry after 2 hrs so this is why I thought a fill might be in order. I finally decided I need a check up on the band anyway to put aside any fears I may have had that I stretched my pouch or whatever. So I go into the room and ask that I do the swallow test in front of the machine first to check my band. I wanted him to see if I even needed a fill. Dr Peterson said I looked pretty good as I was, but that he would give me possibly .4 more. So I say ok, reminded him I didn't want to be too tight and didn't need a fill if he felt it wasn't necessary, and I hop on the table. For whatever reason he didn't move the machine over and proceeded to palpate for my port, find it, and stick me. Oops, missed. Hit the metal edge. He palpates some more, sticks me, oops missed again. Hmm 3rd time I am wondering "Why isn't he using the machine?" so I say "last time I think you said my port was a little tilted and that you would need the machine". He says "Oh I did? Oh ok" and while the lady is getting the machine, he sticks me a 4th time! She asks "Oh, are you trying again?" he says "Yeah, I thought the 4th time would be a charm but I guess not". Mind you, he is not incompetent, just bull headed. He has done all but one of my fills and never missed, always hit it the first time but he also always used the machine. Maybe today he was feeling daring? LOL.

Anyway, they bring the machine over, he gets it on the first try (5th stick now). He puts in the saline, pulls it out and says "Ok, go stand by the x-ray and do another swallow". So I stand over there, swallow, oops nothing is going down. A first for me to see actually. I look at him, he is still looking at the monitor. A trickle of fluid starts to come out the other side. He looks at me and we both say "Take some out" ha! So back on the table again, and again he says "I know what angle it is now, I can get it without the machine" I just rolled my eyes and said "You ought to be thankful I am such a willing guinea pig". That made him laugh. Stick....miss again (6th stick). He says without flinching "give me the machine dangit". Machine comes over, he nails it (or sticks it, 7th time). Pulls about .2 out (originally put in .4). I go to the machine, swallow, very small trickle but I am good. He says I am pretty tight but not too tight and that I probably wont need another fill---ever. WOW! I will have to come up with some other excuse to go see Dr. Aceves. I am sure I can find one (wink wink).

Sorry so long. I am now on clear liquids for 2 days, full liquids for 2 days, then mushies and so on. I can't wait to get to mushies to see how this fill will do me. It is so hard to tell when on liquids but I "think" I can feel slightly more restriction. The gurgle sound takes longer now when I swallow. I feel slight pressure in my esophagus and then can feel the liquid go down. By the way, my band is fine, my pouch is fine, my port although slightly tilted, is fine too. Phew, that was worth the $250!

Today: I am on my third day of liquids. I am feeling kinda week but ok. The scale hasn't moved even though I have been on liquids with probably only 400 calories a day if that. My body is saying "Everyone HOLD ON TO EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT, SHE's TRYING TO STARVE US!!" LOL. I am proud of myself though, I have started exercising again! Check out my photo page for this months update!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!! Today was a very nice day! I hope everyone else had a nice Valentines Day. Well, I am a little nervous because tomorrow I am going for another fill. I am nervous because I don't want to get filled too much. I am at a critical point where I do have restriction but I am getting hungry in between meals. Getting to know the band has been quite a challenge and knowing when to get a fill can be quite confusing. You want to be able eat at least a cup of food, but no more then 1 1/2 cups. (Some will differ with this). But if you are eating the required amount, but getting hungry sooner, you could need a fill. This could mean the pouch is emptying too quickly. So getting to the right fill level is absolutely necessary but VERY much reliant on the patient knowing themselves and the band very well. So this is where I am at. I am pretty sure I need a fill because of my hunger, but there are times when I can only eat a small amount (no less then a cup) and there are times where I east too fast and feel that feeling like I need to stop. So am I ready for a fill? I think so. I just hope it isn't too much. I hope I can see my band first, and then gauge the fill level. I know my doc will work with me. Dr. Dobson and his staff have been wonderful. So wish me luck! I will post tomorrow evening and let you know how it went.

YES!!! I actually made it to 180!! WHY? I stopped drinking with my meals, I guess I stayed full longer but I also paid more attention to my calories. I didn't deprive myself, but tried to keep the goal in mind. I DID IT!! Yeah ME!! So I actually reached my short term goal BEFORE my next fill coming this Wednesday. I am hoping this fill will help keep me full longer. As it is, I am only staying full for about 2-3hrs. OMG, i just realized I am only 25lbs away from my goal! I wonder if I should adjust my goal back to 160 which is where I originally had it? I am only considering because I already feel thin now in a size 12, what size will I be in if I weigh 155? I don't want to be too thin.......LOL!!!! (I got a good laugh off that one!). I am just so excited to be where I am now. I actually reached 180 a few days ago but thought it was too good to be true. So far it has stuck so I am officially announcing it! And Penny, thanks for the kick! Keep em coming!

Ok, so I haven't lost any weight in a while and I have to look long and hard at WHY. Ok, for the most part I haven't been eating the wrong foods. I rarely eat junk stuff. I have been drinking with my meals and THAT has got to stop. It was SOOO easy to get back into that habit and now I have to break myself of it. During the week, sometimes I bring something from home for lunch but in reality, not often. I usually grab a nacho supreme, or a piece of catfish from Chicken Express. So let's look at this logically: Until JUST NOW I had no idea what the calorie content was of the Nacho Supreme. I really didn't think it was THAT bad, but apparently it is. 430 calories, 25grams of fat, 37 carbs. WOW that is almost HALF of my daily calorie intake if I am trying to stay around 900. So ignorance is bliss! All this time I didn't know, but I had the information at my fingertips. Basically I have been a lazy bandster. Admittedly, I reached a great point in my weight loss where I felt great and didn't have the motivation to go further---until now.

I see myself falling back into my old habits of "its ok to eat that" and "It's ok to not follow the rules" and my eyes are NOW wide open. How easy was it for me to fall you ask? I got into a size 12 which was my goal size and I said "Hey, I made it!" and I quit trying. I really do feel good in size 12 but I realize I am still not healthy by all means. I quit exercising in October basically. (end of October, around my birthday). It was like I had gone so long being good that I wanted to give myself a break and guess what? That break turned into a 3 month long sabbatical from exercise. So rule of thumb: There are no breaks! None allowed when you are addicted to food. I am a food-a-holic and I have to realize that. Even with that band, I am not hungry, yet the head hunger just kills me on the weekends when I am home. I also have realized that I have a very terrible oral fixation problem. I don't know what else to call it. It feels like I have to have something in my mouth constantly. (That sounds really weird doesn't it?) Don't forget, I used to smoke. Now if I could just put a straw in my mouth or suck on a cough drop or SOMETHING else besides eating!! I think that is why I like popcorn because it keeps my mouth busy for so long with so many pieces lol!! So I am recognizing this problem and I am trying to find a solution.

I will address each of these problems one at a time and I pretty much know how to fix them. The last one is, I think I need a fill. No, I know I do. Even though I do have restriction, I can eat more then a cup to 2 cups depending on what the food is. I have this nagging fear at the back of my mind "What if you have stretched your pouch?". Because there have been times, especially in the evenings, where I overeat. An example is this evening. I am actually sitting here in pain as I type because I have eaten an entire bag of popcorn, the topping off of a Italian sausage slice of pizza, and 1 small bag of trail mix (the kind you can buy for 99cents at gas stations). Granted, we are watching the Superbowl, so I don't do this often but maybe 2 or 3 times a month is too much. The pain I am talking about is upper left side,right about where my band is, maybe lower. Is this pain from stretching the pouch? Is it permanently stretched? I do not eat like this all the time, does it only happen over time of constantly eating this way like I have heard? These are the questions I have that need to be answered. So I have made an appt to get a fill but BEFORE the fill, I want them to do the barium swallow and take a look at my pouch first. If it looks stretched in any way, they will probably have to unfill me to try and let it go back to normal size. I hope I have not stretched it and I hope I just need a fill to curb my appetite.

I had made an appointment with Dr. Dobson for this Wednesday, but because of Curtis having some health problems and needing to see a specialist on that day, I have to re-schedule. So it will probably be the 15th before I get a fill since they only do it on Wednesday. What am I getting at? Well, March 1st will be my one year Bandiversary. I don't have a specific number in mind but it would be nice to get down passed/under 180. Hmmmm 175? Maybe that is asking too much. LOL But just to say hey, I lost 100lbs in a year would be nice. I kind wanted to be at goal by now but I know I have done well to lose 100lbs so I am not complaining. Plus, it is no one's fault but my own for not being at goal. I could have been there or at least close if I had exercised and followed the rules. So If I get my fill on the 15th, most likely that will allow me to lose that last lb and at least be at 100lbs loss but could I possibly get down to 175? Well, that is my new goal. Plus, I want to get into size 10 since I found some really cute jeans that ALMOST fit me. Of course I bought them because I needed the motivation. PLUS I am going to see my family for the first time on March 22nd. I know they will be surprised and happy to see me the way I look now, but I would be lying if I said I didn't want to lose a little more before seeing them.

Sorry for the long update, I guess that's what happens when I don't update often. Thanks for reading this far. And thanks to all the "cheerleaders" I have out there!

Hey, I am still alive and didn't fall off the face of the planet! No, actually I am trying to get back in the swing of things with my band, and eating. You could say I am trying to become "one" with my band lol! What I really mean is, I am still trying to figure it out and get to know it. For example, some mornings I can literally feel my coffee drain out of my pouch. I can take a sip and count like 10 seconds before I can feel it drain out. Then other mornings, nothing, I am normal and can drink. Now I have tried to keep track of when I feel the tightest and yes, it is about 3 days before my period, and 2 days into my period. I actually love that time because I feel like I am just right. I am still eating, and that is the misconception. Just because I feel tighter doesn't mean I am starving. I am still eating the required amounts (1 to 1 1/2 cup of food, sometimes more if it is mushy) but the longevity is PERFECT. It lasts longer in my pouch when I am tighter and therefore I don't experience hunger.

I work full time and I think I am lucky in that respect because I am not around food all day and I keep busy. Lord knows what would happen if I stayed at home! I don't think about food as much but to be honest, food is still a big part of my life because of the band. There are things I just stay away from, like bread. I wasn't that fond of it before banding thanks to many years of Atkin's dieting but come on, who likes that "stuck" feeling? Not me! Sometimes I can get stuck but not PB, and that is sometimes worse because you are just waiting for it to go through the pouch. I PB-ed 2 days ago and I think it was the first time in months (I can't remember for sure, I would have to go back and read my journal) but anyway, I came home late, I hadn't eaten lunch because I was out on a service call. So here it was 6pm and I already had a client coming to my house to finish up her PC repair, so I grabbed a handful of walnuts out of a bag I had left over from Christmas (fudge!). So while I am talking to this client and finishing her software install, I get that stuck feeling. I tried to swallow it down, which sometimes works, but it didn't this time. So I start sliming which means I don't want to swallow because it is gross and I know if I do it will make the stuck feeling worse so I keep talking, all the while thinking "Will she care if I excuse myself so I can go wharf this puppy up?" lol! Finally it got to a point where I was hiccupping really bad (some bandsters will hiccup when they are full or when they have eaten too much, and that is my first sign that I have gone too far or eaten too fast or that I am stuck). So as I am hiccupping, little PB's are coming up and I can't breath and I race to the bathroom. One finger down, a piece of walnut came up, and I was all better. Smack! I had to skip dinner that night and was on liquids for the next morning and afternoon and had a light dinner.

Ok, I got off on a tangent, but what I really wanted to say is, I am still learning about my little buddy. I am teetering on the thought that I might need a slight fill only because I have noticed I am getting hungry sooner. And honestly, above all else, I think that is a very important factor. We have all been trained on portion control and we can all handle it to a certain extent but hunger? That is a physiological response from your body that means "YO!! Send it down woman!". For me, the most important thing the band does is control that hunger feeling. The satiety is awesome-----when the band works. I can't explain it but you feel normal-----finally-----after all this time----you aren't hungry every 2 hrs----you are normal and can go 4 to 5 hrs between meals like your co-workers without wanting to eat your hand off. It's awesome.

So I continue to learn and go forth in this banded journey and I am so glad you guys are here with me. Thanks for the emails, I do enjoy them even if I sometimes take forever to respond. I appreciate all the support and the kicks in the butt! Keep 'em coming!

Well, I am still the same weight, which is awesome considering I ate like a pig for the holidays. I mean I baked my little butt off and "tested" the results frequently. LOL! I ate so much food every day for a week between my job having parties and Curtis' family not to mention the egg nog and rum! I actually gained 2 lbs and lost it by this past tuesday. Ok, so I am talking about cheating the band. What is that you say? Well ok, I will tell you. With the band, you can only eat so much right? And you are not supposed to drink, right? Well to cheat the band, you eat, you get full, you drink a little, you eat some more, you wait a little while, you drink and eat some more. That is how you cheat the band. You graze like a mad cow. If you are the type of person that doesn't work, or has direct access to your home fridge you might want to re-think things a little. You better be a person with a strong will or determined to change for the better or you may find yourself cheating the band.

In the beginning, and still now, I do great during the week while at work. I leave the house at 8am and come home by 7pm. I am no where near a fridge (well truthfully, we do have one in the snack room that is full of candy bars and soda, and for some reason, it doesn't tempt me too much). But weekends, if I am home and have nothing to do, forgettaboutit! Munch munch munch. So YES you still have to have a strong resolve with the band. I am not going to bullshit anyone (and I can say that now that I am not an official "Post op coordinator" lol) , having the band is like having a great friend or a personal "diet" trainer. It shows up when you think no one is watching and says "um, I don't think so!", and it reminds you why you got it in the first place because you can't control your food intake so it is there to control it for you.

But it can't if you cheat it so you have to be very careful. I have to say it is nice to be able to eat "normally" in front of others by using this method. As long as you do not do it all the time, or like me, for special occasions and holidays, I think it is ok. (MY OPINION!) If you do it all the time, you are not only cheating the band, you are cheating yourself.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone!!! I am sorry I haven't been updating. Busy busy busy. I think I have most of my Christmas shopping done, thank goodness. I have been slowly losing, I have started exercising somewhat. I started walking during my lunch hour. It is freezing here, yes in Texas!! I have noticed...that I am freezing all the time now! I kinda like it, in a demented sort of way lol! Because I used to always be hot, and I used to always have the air conditioner on. Now I am buying warm blankets and sweatshirts.

I am 3lbs away from a hundred lb loss!! I am so close, and I can't believe I am not trying harder to get there. But at least I have started exercising again. My muscles yelled at me afterward for walking 1 mile for 2 days in a row. It only reminded me that I should do it more often. I wrote this to a list that I am on and wanted to share. Click away if you are a prude LOL:

1. I can cross my legs at the knee now.
2. I can turn around to back out of the driveway without getting out of breath

14. I still think like I am fat, ie I still grab clothing that is too big for me

Well, I haven't lost much weight and I haven't been exercising. Someone has yet to cyber slap me into exercising lol. I seriously cannot find time. I can't get up earlier then I do ...ok I can...I know. I just can't see myself doing that regularly. Then I leave and I am gone all day until 6pm. I thought about going for a walk around a local track on my lunch break so I went to do that and saw the high school kids out there at that time. So that stopped me. No way do I want a bunch of high schoolers gawking at me haha! So here is where I am emotionally:

I feel good in my skin. I feel great in a size 12. Those that are overweight know what I mean about feeling good in my own skin. When you are fat, you don't feel comfortable. Physically and mentally. You can't walk into a room without thinking about what OTHERS are thinking of you. You can't sit into a theatre seat without physically being uncomfortable and wondering if the person next to you is wishing you would move so they can have their arm rest back. How about when you are trying to back out of your drive way and you hit something because you are too fat to turn around enough to see behind you? That happened to me. Or how that seat belt digs into you on your hip where it clips?

So physically I am feeling great about how I look. I no longer care so much about how I look walking into a room. I don't try to over compensate by doing my hair and make up or I should say.....overkill. I also speak my mind, which is so cool. To watch my co-workers faces as I speak up, I know they are thinking "Sheesh, she has an attitude now!" Hhahah! I have CONFIDENCE!

Don't get me wrong, I still want to be healthy and no longer "Obese". I still have 30lbs to lose and I WILL. Trust me, I will get on a "kick" again and it will start coming off. I just want people to know if I had been working the band this last month, I probably could have lost more then I have but I am still LOSING!! That is what is so perfect about the band. I am not even trying and I am losing. I guess it goes to show you if you work the band it will pay off faster. Eat right, exercise, lose weight faster. Or don't and still lose weight but at a slower pace.

I wanted to say hey to a bandster friend of mine who just found out her band is slipped. She had a fill that was too tight and didn't go back to get unfilled. Hard lesson to learn but I am glad she is ok. Keep your head up and I will pray that the unfill will solve the problem and get you back to normal girl!

Somebody slap me! I can't seem to get back in the "groove". I am not eating wrong any more, I have gotten back on track with that. But i can't seem to get out and exercise. I know I know, NO EXCUSES and I have none. I quit curves because I got tired with it. But I still love to ride my bike ONLY with the time change, I don't get home until dark. So no bike riding. I just have to figure something else out and I will. Even without exercise I lost a pound. Go figure! But I could have lost a LOT more by now had I been exercising. The other day I looked at my numbers and was like "OMG, I am only 7lbs away from a 100lb loss!!" that is amazing to me. Think about how many lb's of hamburger meat...I mean seriously picture that. That is amazing. If you are reading this and thinking "Nah, I can't do it" YES YOU CAN! The band is a tool (yeah yeah, blah blah right?) but it is and you can tell when you don't use that tool right, you wont lose as fast if at all. Tonight for the first time in 7 months, I ate rocky road ice cream. Real rocky road, not fat free or no sugar added. I ate a whole pint! Yep, it went down, no sliming, no PB-ing. So YEAH you can cheat the band. But the good news is, when you are first banded, you want to change your life. Then you see the scale moving, and that motivates you, then your friends and family notice and that motivates you even more!! So that is the encouragement you receive from NOT cheating the band so once in a while, it is ok to satisfy your craving. Do you have the will power to make it only ONCE in a while? That is the big question because believe me, you can cheat this band and if you are not serious about this change in your life then you will not lose weight.

On to other news, I have decided to stop being a post op coordinator for Dr. Aceves. My life is just too hectic right now, and I started feeling like I was neglecting my family. (Curtis was starting to think I was having an online affair because I spent so much time on the computer!! LOL J/K!!) Zach has been having some issues in school, he probably is just in need of a break. I will still l be here for you guys!! I just won't have the official title. Who knows, I may start back when things aren't so hectic. That is what is great about working with Nina and Dr. A, they are flexible! Oh, and if you would like to kick me in the pants for not exercising, please do so by clicking here.

Hey everyone! Thanks for all the support emails from my last journal entry. I think I got over 50! You guys are awesome! It goes to show there are some great people on the internet, you just have to weed out the bad ones. I have to say that Nina and Dr. Aceves have been a great support as well, backing me 100% percent.

Things have been going great for me, even losing another lb when I wasn't even trying. I LOVE my band! We got through my birthday, then a Halloween party, then my youngest son's birthday, had lots of candy and food and margarita's. Before someone thinks I am a drunk, I better explain that I am just a social drinker, and before my birthday I think the last drink I had was at Christmas last year. It just happens that we had a big bash for my birthday, not only celebrating my birthday but my weight loss, then the next day my friend threw a huge Halloween party where liquor was available. So I had a big weekend lol. I really thought I would have gained weight too but I didn't.

My youngest son, Zach, has been sick over this last weekend. Poor little guy has a hard time communicating enough as it is (for those that haven't read my "about me" page, he is autistic). I think he is finally over it though, if I can just get him to understand that he is over it. Autism is funny, once they get into a habit or routine, it is hard to break them. Since he has been vomiting since Sunday, he might think it is something he must do to complete his routine.

Hey, this is a shout out to all the new people on the Dr. Aceves yahoo group! Thanks for visiting my site and if you have any questions, please email me!

Nope, weight has not changed but that is ok because starting last friday on my birthday (the 28th) I drank like a drunk, ate like a pig, and basically enjoyed myself from Friday through Sunday. Saturday night went to a halloween party, ate so much, drank. I just knew I was going to gain, and I did....like 1 lb which I lost by monday not even trying! So it goes to show you the band is awesome!

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all the people who support me and what I do for Dr. Aceves. If it weren't for you, I would not have been able to get through the past couple of weeks.

You see, there are some very hateful people that I have had the misfortune of knowing on the internet. It seems their sole purpose is to discredit me and be vicious. All I have ever tried to do is help someone, and to be honest, I don't get paid enough to put up with the crap. But that is just it, I am not doing it for the money (because believe me, I couldn't make it without my day job). I do it because I love to help others. I want others to succeed like I have with the Lapband. If I get on to you because you ate buffalo wings 7 days post op, it is because I care! But instead of taking helpful advice, some of these people (I will call them "haters") have decided to defame my character instead of welcoming the advice. Some of these people have even questioned my background as nurse. At first I felt like I shouldn't have to even defend myself, I know who I am and what I have done. Right? But to me this is personal. These people (or one person in particular) is telling people that I am a liar. Why would I lie about my life? I have nothing to gain. This is my personal website that I have created to help others. I do not benefit from lying. I told this person that my being a nurse doesn't mean crap basically, that what meant the most was experience with the band. (This was in response to her accusing me of not being qualified to be a post op coordinator). So anyway I said it doesn't matter but I was a nurse for 10 yrs and THAT doesn't even qualify me, it is my experience that qualifies me, plus the years of research I did before banding. She defamed my character on an email group which is against the law. She claims she looked up my nurses license by using my name and since she couldn't find it, I must not be a nurse. Yeah, this person didn't stop to think that I have been married and divorced twice and therefore could have had a different last name at different times in my life? Also what might be of interest is that I am originally from California, not Texas where I currently reside. So there, I had to address this because this person or persons are leading people like the pied piper and I thought you, my supporters, might want to know what has been happening with me. I have been hurt by this but I decided that those people are mean and vicious and there is nothing I can do but continue to help others and live my life the best way I know how.

OMG I AM IN THE 180's!!! WOO WOO, OH YEAH. (Picture the song, I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt...." oh yeah baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't freaking believe it! I am now in a size 12 weighing 189! I have been waiting sooo long and I did it before my birthday!! I don't have much time this morning, gotta get ready for work but I just had to update you guys!

Hey!! Looky looky!! I got to 190 this morning!! I am pretty happy with my progress. I am so close to my goal that I CANNOT believe it myself. Today I went to walmart on my lunch break to pass some time. I decided to try on some jeans, just to see how far away I was. I have been wearing size 16's for like 2 months I think. Anyway, I grabbed a pair of 14's and a pair of 12's. I went into the dressing room. Not wanting to dissapoint myself right off the bat, I try on the 14's thinking surely I could maybe get them past my thighs. I put my right leg in, a sure sign that if it would fit, the other one would. So far so good, got the pants up to my knees. Pulled them up to my thighs, holy cow so far so good, then WHAM up over my hips with room to spare. Buttoned them up, and a bunch of room in the tummy and butt. NO FREAKING WAY I am thinking. So I rip them off and look at the size 12's out of the corner of my eye. (picture this: the western song they play when the bad guy and the good guy are about to shoot it out.) So I am looking at this pair of size 12's and I am thinking "Ok, listen up. I know I haven't seen you in a while....well 14 yrs to be exact, but that is no reason to have hard feelings you hear? Now if I grab you and put you on, are you going to play nice and fit me? I promise to never leave you again (unless I visit your cousin, size 10)". So before they can change their mind, I grab the jeans and slip them on. Now I am jumping around the dressing room screaming in silence and checking out my ass LOL. I FIT INTO SIZE 12 MISSES LEVI STRAUS JEANS!!

Ok, so here is the weird thing. How did I go from 16's to 12? Ok I know manufacturers are different, and my size 16's that I where the most are faded glory, but my other size 16's are Levi Straus and they still fit, perhaps slightly lose, but not by much. So all this time I am thinking "Man, I have been in this size for a while now, what is happening?". Ok, the other weird thing is....when I look in the mirror I KNOW I am thinner but I see the same ol Tracy! And I am talking the same ol Tracy I have always seen even in size 26. Why is that? When I was a 26/28 I used to try and remember what I looked like as a size 12 and I couldn't. I had to bring out photo's to try and remember and then it would come back to me. So now I AM a size 12, and I am like....ok this is weird, I distinctly remember being in a size 12 and weighing 160. I am 30lbs more then that, how the heck?? Have sizes changed in the last 14 yrs ? LOL. Or is my memory faulty and I was perhaps in a size 10 and can't remember? Yeah, with my memory, that is a possibility LOL. Well anyway, I just thought I would share that "weirdness" with you guys.

A note to my loyal readers....THANKS so much for being there for me. Today a woman by the name of "TJ" walked up to me in Walmart and whispered "Tracy???? It's me, TJ, I emailed you a while back about your surgery? You look awesome!!" and she went on to whisper that she was whispering because she remembered I didn't want anyone local to know I had the surgery. TJ, if you are reading, I was so taken aback that ANYONE from the "lapband" world was standing right in front of me, I am afraid I didn't respond too well. I just want to say THANK YOU for being the first person from the internet to ever meet me in person and give me a compliment. I was so shocked, I didn't even ask how you were in Eastland when you said you were from San Antonio! Please write to me girl!

Yes, I am at 191 and I am thinking "hey, maybe I can get below 190 before my birthday?" I am losing an average of 2lbs a week still, I think I may be able to swing it! Tonight, I rode my bike many many miles. I need to hop in my car and drive the same route to figure it out but man, I am thinking 5 miles at least! (Note: Later I drove my car and it ended up being 5.1 miles!) I know my legs will tell me all about it tomorrow. But DAMN I feel good!! I went up 4 or 5 tough hills and I didn't walk my bike once! YEAH ME!

Ok, so my birthday is on the 28th, 3 days before Halloween. I am excited because I think for the first time, I am going to have a costume party. Yes, I am going to be 35yrs old and I am going to have a costume party! I have never had one! I invited my co-workers, but I seriously doubt any of them will come. If they do, they will see a totally different Tracy that is for sure. Let's just say I plan to party! I don't drink very often at all, only for special occasions and this occasion is going to be pretty special!

Finally I have broke this last plateau!! Man, I thought I would never get through. Of course, it is my own fault for not eating right once I got under 200lbs. But now I am back on track and going to curves and exercising. It is SO EASY to stop doing that, ya know? It is like I have that little devil on one shoulder saying "Nah, do it tomorrow! Rest! Relax!" and the angel on the other side saying "Don't listen to him Tracy! Get your butt off the couch!". LOL

My new goal is to reach 100lb loss by thanksgiving. I don't know if I will make it since I slowed down. I still have 12 more lbs to go in a little over a month and a half. It would be nice!! I guess I will have to work extra hard!

Now on to some comments I have been wanting to make: I love helping people with their band, that is why I became a post op care coordinator for my doctor. Recently I was told by someone that I was not qualified for the position so I would just like to state here how I feel about that. I was a hospital corpsman in the Navy which is equivalent to a LVN in the civilian world. After the navy, I got my LVN license by taking a test and was a home health nurse for 10 years plus worked in various other situations like nursing homes, hospice, and mentally handicapped homes. I got out of nursing because I was never truly happy doing it. Instead, I went back to school for computer information technology. So that is my background. In 2002 I started researching the Lap Band for a friend of mine (you can see his photo on my photo page). That is when I became interested in the lapband for myself. So from 2002 until I had my own surgery in March of 2005 I researched, was on several email lists, talked to hundreds of people on the phone, basically drowned myself in information about the band. I love to research, I graduated with honors with a 3.9. A lot of college work is researching for essays, history exams, etc, so believe me, research is right up my alley. That is why I think I am qualified to give advice and help people. Now does this mean I know everything? Certainly not and if I come across that way, I am sorry.

But let me say this: A person who is only post op a week or two, no matter their background, CANNOT know more then someone 7 months post op. They simply have not had the experience that it takes to understand what they have inside of them yet. I think it is sad if that person will not listen to any advice they are given because they think they know more and don't have to listen.

Pitiful isn't it? I haven't lost any weight since the 24th of September. What is more pitiful is it isn't the bands fault. I stopped exercising, and I started eating junk!! Yeah, I know! BAD BAD ME!

. So what have I been eating you ask? Well I have been snacking on mini snickers bars, and sugar free chocolate (too much of it). I have also been drinking with my meals. Not all the time, but in the evening which is the worst time. All the while KNOWING I am doing it and even giving excuses for it. So today was a new day! I didn't drink with my meals, I came home and made sauteed mushrooms and squash, and ate about 1/2 cup and was FULL. I did eat one Russel Stover chocolate which is about 40 calories, and one tootsie pop for 60 calories, but that was my only cheat for the day! I came home and rode my bike with Curtis, and THEN did Pilates off a DVD.

. So Yes, today was a new day and I think I did well.

So I had to ask myself why? Why did I get under 200 and then "give up" ? Or at least that is what it seems like. Don't I want to get to goal? Maybe I don't subconciously, I don't know. But I need to get to the bottom of it. Maybe it was because for so long I just wanted to get to 199 and now I have nothing to strive for that is so far away? I guess I just need to make a really big deal out of getting to 155. Yes, I am changing my goal to 155. That is what I weighed when I joined the navy, and I was feeling pretty good at that weight. So yes, 155. Now....a time frame. That is roughly 40lbs I need to lose. I need to give myself 6 months I think to get there. (4 months would be pushing it don't you think?). So by April 1st .....Oh that is too funny. April fools huh? Welll, maybe I should ask what you guys think? Email me and let me know what a good date should be. Take into consideration that I have lost an average of 8lbs a month.

Life with my third fill has been pretty good. I dare say I thought my last fill was my sweet spot but this one seems to be pretty good. I feel more restriction with this fill, but not too much that I can't eat. It does stop me sooner, from eating too much. I cannot eat a whole bag of popcorn in one sitting like before. But today I ate all day long and drank because we had company. I know tomorrow I will be back to the usual eating for me. That is what I like about the band. It gives me a choice yet still keeps me in check. If I choose, I can eat things that I want but don't necessarily need. I can drink when I eat if I want to "cheat" or eat around the band. But even then the band does NOT let me go too far. Plus, I guess I am disciplined enough to know how to get back on track.

So far I have not PB-ed on this last fill. It makes me wonder if my theory is correct. First, I am more conscience of my chewing because I know I am tighter, but I also feel like things are taking longer to go through, and therefore my stomach is trying to digest things and possibly making it easier to go through when it does? Funny, it made more sense in my head then typing it out LOL. I guess you could picture a piece of food that wasn't necessarily chewed well sitting inside the pouch....it wants to go down through the stoma because gravity says it must, but the hole is much smaller, so it can't go just yet. So it sits in my pouch and sorta disolves a little more, allowing it to fit through the stoma and not cause me to PB. Hmmm yeah, that made more sense--NOT! I give up, it is late and I am rambling. If any of this made sense, drop me a line would ya?

Ok, so not such a pretty shot of my flat, platypus feet but hey!! I REACHED ONDERLAND SO I DON'T CARE!!! LOOK LOOK LOOK 198.5!!! Yes, I am so neurotic that I got my boyfriend up at 7am just to take this shot!! (I couldn't take it myself, the camera added more weight, silly!) I am definitely doing the old guy dance now!!

Yesterday I had my third fill! And boy, I think it is tight! I can only take small sips and can feel it draining from my pouch to my stomach. I wanted it to be tighter I just hope it is not too tight. I will be on liquids for 3 more days and then I can have mushies for 2 days before starting solids again. I am anxious about the solids, I know I will need to take it easy and chew chew chew. I won't post a new xray picture because the new one is about the same. Except my pouch looks slightly bigger in the new one. Just a different angle. This fill went about the same way. I asked for a small fill, he gave me .5 so now I am up to 3.0 in my 4 cc band. I don't think I will need another fill, but who knows. Everyone at the office commented that my face was looking thinner. That made me feel good. Oh I have to mention that Dr. Peterson did my fill again this time and I really like him. He does a great job. If you are up in the Grand Prairie, TX area, I definitely recommend him. There number is 972-660-3188 . Helen, their receptionist, is really nice too.

I can't believe it!! I am 1lb away from 199.5!! Just ONE pound!! I am not going to get my hopes up about reaching there tomorrow, or even the next day.....OH WHO AM I KIDDING?? YES I WILL!! I will probably not sleep well tonight thinking about the scale saying 199. I will pictures those numbers in my mind, and how they will look on my scale. I will dream about those numbers!! It has been so long since I have been able to say I have a "1" in front of my weight. TOO LONG. Gee, september 1st I weighed 204.5 and 7 days later I have lost 4 lbs!! Now I like that kind of loss!! I wish it was all the time, but I will take what I can. I know only overweight people understand my excitement. I am at the brink....I am standing on the edge of the cliff. 200+ on the land side, and 199- in the valley. Of course I have a hang glider on my back but I am ready to LEAP into the land of the "ones" or what we all love to call "ONDERLAND" . Oh yeah, doing the dance. You know the one. Click here to listen to the music I dance to like the old guy at 6 flags. (keep listening past the intro, it will sound familiar real fast!) Then picture me doing the dance!! LOL

Isn't it cool? I don't know why I lose faster at the beginning of the month but in the last 7 days I have lost a 3.5 lbs. I am only 4 lbs away from 199!!! I can't believe it!! I just had to share. Every morning I get up all excited to see if I have lost any more. I can't remember the last time I weighed 203 or even close to 200. I guess I do know, I was 21 and pregnant with my first born 14 yrs ago. I started at 150lbs and had him at 225lbs. What is so neat is that I KNOW this weight is gone for good. Unless, God forbid, something happens to my band. I hope it stays with me forever.

Oh yeah!! FInally got past 206!! And just in time for my monthly progress report!! I know I have not been losing as fast lately but I am hopefully going to be getting a slight fill soon to help that. I am still well within the 1-2 lbs per week loss, even if it isn't consistent loss. I would like to be losing 10lbs a month. Today is also my BANDIVERSARY!! It has been 6 months since my surgery and I have lost a total of 75.5lbs!! I am really on cloud nine just because I have made it this far, I have done so well, and I am still losing even though I haven't exercised much because of injuries. Overall, it has been a great month! I am only 5 lbs away from getting under 200!!

I am so tired of weighing between 206 and 208!! I just keep bouncing between these two pounds and grrrr I just want to get to 205!! Ok, I would like to get to 202 but I don't see that happening before the 1st like I wanted. I haven


		Journal